What to do when you want to cry but can’t?
Even I don’t know the answer to this. All I know is that these days I just want to cry out loud, shout at every person in my life and do nothing else.
I no longer wish to study or do the things I have been working really hard on. Don’t want to talk to anyone although I have none but still don’t want to talk. Stay in a room, lying on my bed doing nothing but trying to make myself cry and vent it out but you know what? It’s easier said than done.
Why don’t I have a single friend in my life whom I can call and tell everything in my life? Why am I all by myself in the lowest point of my life? Why am I always, always… left alone?
There aren’t any answers to this but I wish there were so I could just work on it with all my might and make it change. But… there ain’t any.
I wish I had a dream. Just a simple, single dream like anyone else to follow. Maybe then my life wouldn’t have been this complicated and suffocating. Maybe then I would’t have much time to pity myself at every point of my life.
I wish I were confident then maybe I wouldn’t have minded any of these things. I tried my best to confident at every point of my life but it didn’t work, you know why? Because it was all a show. I was never confident to start with so the pretend was very obvious.
I wish I had courage for saying my mind, then maybe I would’t have cried about my miserable life here in the blog. Or maybe I might have jumped out of this life long ago.
Now nothing calms me down. No music, no cloud, no scenery, no medicine, no movies, no books, no work, nothing. I am more anxious than I were before.
I wake up one day all happy, the other day I wake up all gloomy.
I wake up one day all cheery, the other day I wake up all angry.
I wake up one day all confidently, the other day I wake up all anxiously.
One day I wake with my will to live life, the other day I wake up with the will to end it dearly.
But reality is that I am someone who’s a coward, who lacks confidence, who doesn’t have a dream and has no other alternative than living my life just the way I have been living.
Nan mori-ga nomu aapha-so, nan jinjja aan-gwenchana-yo. Nan nega chugu-shipphoyo. Nan nomu silphuyo. Nan aan-gwenchana-yo. Nan nega jinjja chugu-shipphoyo. Nan khopchong sarami-aeyo.
